Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
