weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
