My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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