I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
