Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize