I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
