how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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