none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
