I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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