false alarm. still invincible.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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