Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
