once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
