Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Are we still banned from the library?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
