I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
