i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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