bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
