Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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