Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
