oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
