3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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