My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
