Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
a search helicopter?!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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