:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
