you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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