it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
