I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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