I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize