Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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