god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
