Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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