she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All the doctor said was why
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
