you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
