i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
