just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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