if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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