I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
