I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
