guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
In America we eat man semen.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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