There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Drake has all the answers
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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