seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
