i think my tv is drunk
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Houston, we have a blender
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need a burrito and a hug.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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