I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
