careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
