How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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