His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The best revenge is premature balding
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
