you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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