I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
