It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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