could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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