Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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