You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
