There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
