As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she told me i tasted like america
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
