there's paper in my vomit.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
