You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize