i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
