You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
