Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need a beard to bite.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
