He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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