I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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