i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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