his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
