whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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