i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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