I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
