Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
