I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
