I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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