i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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