OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
