i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize